Meet the Kirklands
by Life-Drawing-Wizard
Summary: Gilbert comes over for dinner at Arthur's house with Mattie. To meet her family, maybe? Hohoho! Just my take on the British Isles/Former British Colonies. Just sort of...random...Rated a Tiny T for a little bit of mouth, Erinn's drunken-ness, and Prussia's awesomeness


A/N: _So, I really really really extra love the British Isles (the twins are my favorites...no, Wales. No...oh, screw it, I love all of them!) and I wanted to write something about my take on their lives together, also including as many of my favorite Kirkland-relations as physically possible. It gets kind of random towards the middle, but I always imagined Arthur to get really bitter and angry when Alfred was having independence issues (because I'm such a big UsUK shipper) and that he was really mean to his colonies/relatives. Gah! So random!_

_Oh, once again reminding you that I don't own Hetalia (unfortunately) nor do I own any of the countries mentioned (that would be so cool! Then I could be like 'MWAHAHA! The Irish twins are MINE and there's nothing you bitches can do about it! HAHAHAHA!')_

**Warning: Genderbending Ahead**

* * *

When Mattie called Gilbert and told him that she wanted him to come with her to Arthur's annual 'family reunion', the Prussian wasn't sure what to expect.

He certainly wasn't expecting a room full of former British colonies and the British Isles crowded into Arthur's sizeable mansion in London, eating each other's food (and avoiding Arthur's if they could).

When Arthur declared the last person there and therefore time to eat, Mattie went before him in line (buffet style) and he was shocked to see her take some of Arthur's food.

After sitting down, and waiting for Arthur to sit, everyone began eating. The Prussian felt the semi-awkward as people talked.

"Mattie," Gilbert said, turning to the girl to his left, "How come all of you took some of Arthur's food?"

"Hm?" Mattie said, glancing up from her food, "Oh! Well, people are always going on about how awful it is and Alfred complains enough for the world, but the truth is he doesn't really mind it all that much. None of us do. It's what we were raised with so it's kind of…familiar. Not entirely in a good way, but its not that bad."

Gilbert stared at Mattie.

"What?" she asked, swallowing a mouthful of pancakes.

"You're really amazing, you know that?" he asked.

She smiled, "I hope so."

When dinner had finished, everyone milled around, talking or drinking and generally socializing.

Gilbert watched everyone and, noticing something, he turned to ask the Canadian.

"Hey, Mattie," Gilbert said slowly, "Why are all of you Kirkland-relations…sort of stiff? I mean, sure, Alfred and that Ausie act all happy all the time, but I see it sometimes. You know, the pain. If you were former Russian territory, I could understand, but…"

Mattie laughed harshly, surprising Gilbert.

The Canadian pointed to the blonde who was currently in a heated discussion with Wales and Scotland.

"You see that man?" Mattie asked, bitterness creeping into her voice.

"Eyebows?" Gilbert asked in surprise.

Mattie nodded.

"I'm not trying to undermine the pain that Russia inflicted on you," Mattie said, turning to face Gilbert, "But compared to Arthur…Ivan is mildly mean.

Ivan hurts with his fists. He hits and punches and abuses and takes advantage of your body in every way possible, and I'm not saying that that isn't a terrible punishment that no one should have to undergo.

But Arthur…Arthur has ascended to a different kind of horror. We knew it had always been there, a left over from his pirate days, I think, but it didn't really show up when he was raising us until Alfred started getting restless."

Mattie took a deep breath, "Jack, Australia, got the blunt of it, I think. But we all got it. Poor Dylan…and Erinn (Ireland), before the twins were formed. She's that girl over there, the one that's downing the scotch.

See, during physical attacks, you can always go to that ray of hope in your mind, right? Well, Arthur would start with cool and collected calm. Then he'd find that happy place and stab it and twist is and burn it and barrage it with insults, until it was practically nonexistent. And then, if you still had the will to fight back, he started hitting you. And when you were on the ground in pain, the insults would start again, along with some more kicking.

It was misery…"

Mattie shuddered at the memory.

Gilbert wrapped the small girl in a big hug, pulling her against him, "I'm so sorry Mattie. How are you…how are you still so happy then?"

The Canadian laughed.

"Alistar," she giggled, "He's Scotland, that man over there, the one with the bright red hair and wild eyes. Oh, maple, he's smoking. He's gonna get it now."

Sure enough, Arthur was busy berating the taller man on smoking in the Englishman's house.

"He would always ruffle my hair and say, 'Bear with it, lass. You'll get there'. It was just kind of his thing," the Canadian smiled at the memory, "And Jack, he was always so full of energy, you just couldn't help but love him. He got kinda messed up around his teens, but Kaelin (he's New Zealand. That one with the blonde hair there) helped him through.

Then there's Dylan, or Wales, he would sneak Kaelin out of the house when Arthur was busy and they would go lay in the sheep pastures.

Erinn, the one I pointed out earlier, she's a real bitch most of the time. She's usually drunk and has a horrible temper. But she was really the only mother we had, and she has some nice points, if you stick around long enough to get to now her.

Naturally, there's Eily and Cailean. Cai is North Ireland, where Eily is the republic. They're identical, although Cai is usually more subdued. They're the ones who really spent time with me. I would usually help Erinn around the house, but she disappeared for a little while after Eily and Cai showed up, so I had to do all the chores by myself. The twins tried to help, but they usually ended up fighting. It was still nice to have company, though.

You know 'Chelles. She grew up mostly with Papa, so she was less affected than most of us. But she's still the only other girl (besides Erinn, but I don't think she counts) so she's my sister. I was already almost independent when she showed up, but she helped me through a lot of things and I still like hanging out with her.

Kaoru, that apathetic one over there, he's Hong Kong. None of us know really a lot abut him. Actually, I don't think anyone does, except maybe Mei. I do know that he likes fashion though, and he's a great artist. Although he has a thing for plagiarism…

And India is just…India…"

Gilbert stared at the Canadian next to him as she tried to think of a way to describe the Eastern Nation.

"Ghandi," Mattie decided, opening her mouth to continue on her explanation, until Gilbert kissed her.

Effectively shutting the blonde up, Gilbert pulled away and smirked at the stunned Canadian in front of him.

"Ghandi?" he prompted.

"Screw Ghandi," Mattie muttered, leaning in to kiss him again.

Gilbert was just pulling away for a second time when he felt someone grab his arm.

"What're you doing with our sister, potato bastard?" growled a voice by his ear.

"You better not be doing anything she doesn't want," came another.

Two red-headed men stepped around Gilbert, glaring and standing protectively next to the Canadian.

"Cai, Eily, it's fine, really…" Mattie protested.

"I'm sure it is," said a blonde, coming around behind his sister.

"Dylan…" she tried to say, but was cut off by a younger (twenty year old) boy barreling into her.

"Big sis, is the scary man hurting you?" came the teasing voice of Kaelin, "We'll protect you, don't worry!"

"You're such a kid, Kael," came Jack's Aussie accent, ruffling his younger brother's hair, "You're not a five year old."

"Oi! You!" Gilbert turned at the drunken voice, Irish accent making it difficult to distinguish the words, "Potato bastard! You stay the hell away from my daughter, asshole, or you'll get one hell of shitstorm. Soon's I'm sober."

"When are you ever sober?" teased Alistar, "You're half out of your bloody mind to think we'd let you hold a weapon."

"Bitch," Erinn shot at her brother.

"'Sides," Alistar ruffled Mattie's hair, "Mattie knows how to take care of herself. She's just gotta bear with it. Don't ya, lass? You'll get there. You always have."

Now all eyes turned to Gilbert, who felt the full weight of the Kirkland colonies upon him.

Alistar was still smirking, his cigar sticking out of one corner of his mouth, but there was a dangerous kind of fire in his eyes, "As for you, lad. You make one wrong move and, awesome Teutonic Knights though you might be, we'll destroy you in a heartbeat."

Gilbert grinned at the glaring eyes (most of them green) that were directed on him and suppressed a laugh.

Turning to the Canadian he said, "You know, Mattie, you've got one dysfunctional, batshit crazy family."

The glares intensified and Mattie gave him a do-you-have-a-death-wish!? look.

"But I can see why you love them so much," Gilbert added, almost as an after-thought, "They're pretty impressive."

Jack and the twins grinned cockily at him while Alistar just laughed. Erinn started shouting something that only the twins or Alistar probably had a chance of translating. Kaelin ran off to talk to Kaoru and Michelle.

Gilbert walked back over to Mattie, careful to keep his hands well away.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" she asked.

"Remember what we said, potato bastard!" Eily warned from a few feet away.

"Have you British Islenders been hanging around Romano perchance?" Gilbert asked curiously.

"Yeah, so what?"

"Nothing," Gilbert smiled, exchanging a grin with Mattie, "Nothing at all."


End file.
